Broken Heart

Please pray for our family. On November 11th 2008 our sweet Blaze went on to be with the Lord. On Monday morning I woke up and looked over at her...she slept next to our bed and she was still asleep. I got up and kissed her and petted her like I do every morning. When she looked at me I knew something was wrong. Her left eye was really red on the inside corner, almost as if she was bleeding behind her eye or something. I talked to her and tried to get her up to go outside and she just wanted to lay there. I went up and got Collin, fed him breakfast and just checked on her every once in awhile. After I put Collin down for his morning nap I got Blaze to go out, finally. She went to potty and everything seemed okay. She came in and drank some water and then went to lay back down. When Eric got home for lunch I told him that I was concerned about her and her eye. Then we talked about how the past couple of times that he has taken her running or walking she just couldn't hardly make it. The day before he took her for a walk and she just wanted to lay down. Other than her lack of energy she seemed okay until Monday. Of course when Eric gets home she always runs to greet him. Well, she did and he let her outside, but when she came back in she was disoriented and could not stand up. We layed her down on her blanket and called the vet. They were closed until 2 and so I left a message saying that I would be there at 2. Eric went back to work and I was getting Collin in the car. Blaze followed me and before I could get Collin in the car she began to fall. I grabbed her and still had Collin between us and I did not know what to do. We were between both of our cars in the garage and it was a scary moment. I got Collin to walk back in the house and I called my neighbor who came to help. She ended up taking Collin with her so that I could focus on Blaze. I carried Blaze to the car and the vet called as I was doing this. The lady told me that Dr. Graham was in surgery and so I should take her somewhere else. I got another vet's number and called them on the way. They were awesome and met me at the car with a stretcher. I decided it would be easier for me to carry her in. We went in and met Dr. Mark. I told her about Blaze's past and they checked her gums. They were white...which meant she was anemic. This was my worst fear because I had a feeling that her auto-immune disorder (AIHA) was back. We were always told that if it ever came back it would come back with a vengeance. It did. Poor Blaze's CBC was 9 and normal is 35-40. Her platelets were at 0. Which meant that we were up against two bad things. They call this Evan's Syndrome when they have two things going on with their blood. The other issue is that she checked her eyes and Blaze was not responding...she was blind! We opted to do a blood transfusion at that time. I left her there for the afternoon and then picked her up about 5:30. Eric and I chose to follow the Dr's recommendation and take her to the animal hospital for the night in case she needed more blood. After the transfusion her CBC was only 15 and her platelets still did not register. We took her over there and talked to the vet there and he was not sure how long she would make it. If everything was okay with her blood they wanted us to see an opthamologist to see if her blindness was reversible or not. When we left there it was storming, I mean raining so hard we couldn't even see the road. It stormed all night and of course we didn't get any sleep anyway because we were thinking about Blaze and wondering what was in store. Blaze was a fighter and she had beat this before, but we knew this time was different. I called before bed and checked on her. She was doing fine. The next morning I went to get her to take her back to the vet for the day. Eric stayed home with Collin and called work to tell them he would be a little late. I was checking out and they brought her to me...I called her name and she was looking for me, but couldn't see me. It broke my heart and I just kept talking to her so that she knew it was me and that her Mommy was there. They did tell me that she did not have another transfusion, but she didn't sleep a wink all night. I got her to Dr. Mark and she came out to help me. She let her lay in the back of the Yukon and she looked her over. Blaze had some spots on the inside of her lips that were a bad sign...from her platelets being low. She was breathing harder and deeper. She was resting and I just kept petting her and kissing her. We carried her in and at first she got really scared, but we think it's because she couldn't see. I just talked her through it and we went back to the kennels. I helped guide her in and I put her blanket under her...the one that she has had since she was a puppy. I thought it would make her more comfortable. I sat in there with her for about an hour. I just cried and told her how much we loved her. She has been such a blessing to us for 7 years. I told her that she didn't have to fight anymore and that she could relax. I also told her that if she wanted to go and play with Jesus that was okay. I kissed her and I had to get home so that Eric could go to work. I thought about her all day. At lunch Eric said that she would tell us when it was her time to go and I told him that she already did this morning. Dr. Mark called and wanted to do an injection to get her platelets boosted. Eric and I thought we should try and then go from there. All day long I talked to God about it and told him that I didn't want to have to make the decision to put her down. I went to the store because I couldn't just sit at home. As I went to check out I got a call that Blaze was doing worse. They wanted to do a transfusion. If we didn't do it then we should put her down. I talked to Dr. Mark and asked her what she felt Blaze's chances were. She gave her about 40% if we did the transfusion and then we may have to do more. I told her I would call her back and let her know what we decided. We agreed that we couldn't put her through this...it was so hard on her and now she was blind. That's no quality of life for Blaze. She loves to play and run and we just didn't see her being able to do that anymore. I headed home to put my groceries up and we were going to just go up there. Well, before I got the groceries up Dr. Mark called and said, "Blaze is crashing, I don't know if you can make it up here." I jumped in the car with Collin and we sped up there- I called Eric on the way. We got there and Dr. Mark came out with tears streaming down her face. She had me follow her and she said "Blaze passed away". I couldn't even breathe. I honestly felt my heart break into a million pieces. We went in to see her and she was on a table covered up except for her face. She looked so peaceful and was in no more pain. Dr. Mark promised me that she went really fast. She thinks she might have had a blood clot that broke loose or something. All I could think was that God was holding me tight and took her home so that Eric and I would not have to make that decision. Eric got there shortly after and we had some time in the private room to think about her and how she had been so important to us.

Yesterday morning I woke up and looked over to where Blaze always slept and when I saw the bare floor I realized how much I missed her. Everywhere we look in our house we think of her. To see the foil off of the couches that we kept there to keep her off of them, the place where her food and water goes, her toys, her own peanut butter (she loved it so much), her favorite places to lay, and just the sound of her paws and nails hitting the hardwood floors or scratching the wall as she would stretch-those are the things that are hard to handle. When we sit down to eat we miss her coming to eat too or Eric reaching over from his chair to open the back door for her. At night when Collin gives kisses before bed...there's just an empty place in all of our hearts. Collin even looks for her from his high chair to feed her and he knows she is supposed to be on her bed in the morning when I bring him down. This morning he was over there like he was looking for her and he said, "Baze". I said "no honey Blaze is in Heaven." Eric went running last night and he missed her so much because she always went with him. We loved her like a child and we will always love her.

Blazer we miss you baby girl and we know that you are up there melting the hearts of the angels. You are our angel. We have so many fond memories of her and we will forever cherish those. Thank you for listening and praying for us. Hug and kiss your pets a few more times today.

That picture at the top is how we will remember her, always smiling :)

We also know that if you knew Blaze she touched your heart too. She was a loving and sweet dog. She sure loved life and brought so much joy to the lives she touched. We have learned a lot from her and we need to treasure every day with every one we love.